So.... good news and bad news. 

My mom's surgery went incredibly well. There were complications---her thyroid gland had so many dead tissues that it grew itself new branches/tissues into her chest cavity... most of which was in pre-cancer stages and might've evolved into more cancerous cells without their ever knowing. They were able to extract it all cleanly and put her on pills to compensate for the main thyroid functions.

Her scar opening still hurts now, two weeks later, but on the new meds she feels GREAT. She is pain-free in her joints and muscles for the first time in decades. She no longer gets sleepy and requires multiple naps throughout the day. Who knew that her thyroid function was inhibiting her in so many different ways? 

We have great hope. 

The bad news: 

I went to San Francisco over the last weekend, Friday through Monday. I went for several reasons... I really needed to get away from all the busy things that are going on at home, for a break away from my understandably stressed and overbearing family... once the dust settled on my mom's surgery and things were going well... I wanted to get away. And also I wanted to spend time with my close friend who moved up. He's one of my very best friends. 

I wanted to get away somewhere simpler and quieter and cut myself off from everyone else at home for a few days. I've always found time with this friend to be productive and grounding.

This time, 72 uninterrupted (except for bathroom breaks I guess haha) hours with him rocked my world in ways I don't fully understand. 

I don't even know where to begin. 
28 January 2013 @ 02:43 am
Pick five of your favorite TV shows before reading the questions.

1. Doctor Who

2. The Good Wife

3. Firefly

4. Gilmore Girls

5. Downton Abbey

1) Who is your favourite character in 5?

Lady Mary. She is so fabulous and snarky. Cousin Violet comes a close second. 

2) Who is your least favourite character in 3?

That awful man who tried to claim his favorite prostitute's child as his own in Heart of Gold. 

3) What is your favourite episode of number 1?

"The Doctor's Wife" for all the TARDIS feels and Neil Gaiman fabulosity. 

4) What is your favourite season of number 4?

Season 2. Because it includes that episode with the swing dance-a-thon and the heartbreak. 

5) What is your favourite relationship in 2?

Carey/Alicia. As friends, not sexually. 

6) What is your least favourite relationship in 3?

Alicia/anyone sexually. 

7) How long have you watched 5?

Since it began, so like 3 years now? 

8) How did you become interested in 4?

I kept seeing it on TV as a teen. 

9) Who is your favourite actor in number 1?

A tie between David Tennant & Arthur Darvill. 

10) Which show do you prefer more : 1, 2, or 5 ?

Doctor Who for suuure. 

11) Which show have you seen more episodes of: 1 or 4 ?

Gilmore Girls, because it has way more episodes than nuWho.

12) If you could be anyone from 3, who would it be?

Kaylee. I briefly thought River, but she has a messed up past I don't really need in my head.

13) How would you kill off your favourite character in 5?

They already did it in the show with someone else. Recently, if you're going by the American broadcast. I wouldn't have thought of it but WHAT a ridiculously heart wrenching and epic and memorable way to go! 

14) Would a 3/4 crossover work?

Gilmore Girls and Firefly? OMG. Lorelai would snark over everything so beautifully. She would fit in Whedonverse. 

15) Pair two characters in 4 that would make an unlikely, but strangely okay couple.

Alicia/Carey, like I said. 

16) Give a random quote from 2.

"People aren't mean. They're just polite liars." 
10 December 2012 @ 10:45 pm

Life has been taking unexpected and scary turns lately. I'm facing it. It's been hard and I don't know what to do I am staying calm. 

24 October 2011 @ 05:24 pm
This journal is friends only. Here's the post where you can make a comment to ask to be friended.

Simple rules:
- Graphic stealers not welcome.
- Keep personal life contents of journal private.
- No netspeak.
- Do NOT promote communities in this journal.

06 October 2011 @ 05:43 pm

1. Favourite childhood book? Definitely The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe by C. S. Lewis. And also The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein, which is classic.

2. What are you reading right now? I am presently rereading the wonderful Rilla of Ingleside by L.M. Montgomery, which is a war novel about the home front more than anything else. It goes well with my current obsession with the TV show Downton Abbey on the same topic. I'm also struggling my way through Outlander by Diana Gabaldon, but it's a long journey. 

3. What books do you have on request at the library? I... don't use the library. I'm a bad librarian. 

4. Bad book habit? I have trouble reading books that close friends have recommended to me, because I'm afraid of hurting their feelings if I don't like their Most Favorite Ever. 

5. What do you currently have checked out at the library? Again, I do not use the library. 

6. Do you have an e-reader? I have a lovely Kindle 3 and have preordered the multitouch Kindle in the 3G version.

7. Do you prefer to read one book at a time, or several at once? A couple at once. 

8. Have your reading habits changed since starting a blog? I don't book blog (much), and I definitely prefer reading more to writing, so I end up reading when I really should be writing. 

9. Least favourite book you read this year (so far)?

I think it's probably Wither by Lauren DeStephano. This was a much-hyped debut novel and I bought into the hype.. sadly, it wasn't as good as it was hyped up to be.

10. Favourite book you’ve read this year? Hands down, Fire by Kristin Cashore. I first read this in October of 2010 and can't seem to stop rereading it every month. 

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15 September 2011 @ 05:11 pm
Because I'm cruel and I like to make Jill cry.

Listed by artist with a bunch of older classics at the end. The requirement: it has to have supersad and beautiful lyrics, as well as a beautiful and devastating melody/arrangement. There are plenty of songs with sad lyrics I didn't list here because the song overall isn't sad enough!

If there are translations in the MVs I linked.. great. If not... sorry. If you want a good translation... ask me. Most of these suck. I don't know why people don't pay more attention to subtext when translating song lyrics when subtext is everything.

These are the saddest Chinese songs on my iPod.

天黑黑 - 孫燕姿 (
The Moment - 孫燕姿 (
Stephanie Sun is really good at those really sad loss of innocence songs. "天黑黑" has lyrics that speak to me so clearly I wept the first time I heard it.

人質 - 張惠妹 (
記得 - 張惠妹 (
真實 - 張惠妹 (
我恨我愛你 -張惠妹 (
Actually that whole album "真實" is freaking heartbreaking. There are a lot of others but if I listed every sad Amei song ever we'd be here for a year.

安靜 - 周杰倫 (
晴天 - 周杰倫 (
說好的幸福呢 - 周杰倫 (
千里之外 - 周杰倫 (
Likewise with Jay chou. If I listed every sad song by him ever we'd be here a really really long time.

落葉歸根 - 王力宏 ( (Note that this MV's translation sucks in the linked video. Don't pay it any attention)
星期六的深夜 - 王力宏 (
Forever Love - 王力宏 (
You'd think that Wang Leehom would have more sad songs but actually, no, these are pretty much the ones that make me weep. Honorable mention though: 愛錯. Also "Forever Love" has saddest MV of all time kthx.

第九夜 - 李玟 (
Pretty much the only redeeming factor in her comeback album a while back. I didn't really feel how sad this song really was until I sang it at karaoke one day when really down over a boy...

離歌 - 信樂團 (
I don't actually have this song on my iPod but I think Freddy would kill me if I didn't list it. It's really sad. Every time he sings it at karaoke I'm like :(

紅豆 - 王菲 (
Hello, how can you get away with a sad song list without Faye Wong? This is the classic of classics. Also bonus: it was the B-side on the Final Fantasy 8 theme single "Eyes On Me"
意難忘 - 蔡琴 (
I learned to sing this song when I was 2. I don't think I realized how sad it was then. Cai Qing is perfection.
我只在乎你 - 鄧麗君 (
I still get a little weepy over this song. This song was totally how I said goodbye to Teresa Teng when she died.
吻別 - 張學友 (
Classic. Duh. This song needs no introduction.
我期待 - 張雨生 *
Also another one of those "and this artist died way too early..." songs. Like the Teresa Teng one. Legend.
童話 - 光良 (
I don't actually like this song unlike every other Chinese-American EVER. But hey.... apparently this song makes everyone else cry their eyes out.
15 September 2011 @ 03:17 pm
Translated this song today for the benefit of jilleh.

街燈下的櫥窗 有一種落寞的溫暖
The store shop shown under the street lights have a kind of lonely warmth to them.
圖貼在玻璃上 畫著你的模樣
The pictures pasted to the glass have your face on them.
Driving without purpose, turning here and there, not knowing where my destination is,
涼卻的電視牆 到底有誰在看
Who is watching the now-cold television set?

The shadow of the white willow tree is stretched longer and longer, just like my longing for you does not end.
原來我從未習慣 你已不在我身旁
In the end it seems that I never got used to the fact that you are no longer by my side.
The street's metal gates have been pulled shut and only the neon lights around the corner are still blinking.
這城市 的小巷 雨下一整晚
Here in this city, this small alley, it rains all night.

你撐把小紙傘 她音韻太婉轉
You are holding a small umbrella made of paper, and her rhythms and rhymes move and turn too subtly beautifully.
雨落下霧茫茫 問天涯在何方 喔喔~
The rain falls and the fog blurs everything, and I am asking where the ends of the earth is, ~oh oh~
啊~午夜裡 你深藏 偷偷偷 透過窗
Ah--at midnight, you hide deeply, secretly secretly secretly, through the window...
燭台前 我們還在想
Before the candle-holder, we are still wondering.
小扇板 畫呀畫
The small paper screen, we still draw on it.
小紙傘 遮雨也遮月光
The small paper umbrella, blots out both the rain and the moonlight.

The shadow of the white willow tree is stretched longer and longer, just like my longing for you does not end.
原來我從未習慣 你已不在我身旁
In the end it seems that I never got used to the fact that you are no longer by my side.
The street's metal gates have been pulled shut and only the neon lights around the corner are still blinking.
這城市 的小巷 雨下一整晚
Here in this city, this small alley, it rains all night.
09 September 2011 @ 08:15 pm
13 August 2011 @ 05:58 am

Listening to this song at 6 AM in the morning... I don't think I've ever cried so hard over any song in my entire life. Or related to a song more.

When I was small, when I was stubborn
My grandmother would always sing to me
On summer afternoons, the old song would comfort me
That song would go something like this:

(Taiwanese) "The sky is dark, it's going to rain, the sky is dark, dark... "

Grown up now, had my own life
Fresh songs, fresh ideas
When it's impossible to control my wilfulness and impulsiveness
I forget I still have this song

The sky is dark, it's going to rain, the sky is dark, dark...

I fell in love with someone I could risk my life for
I believed this was the world I pursued
However, I fumbled, was misunderstood, was lied to
Is the adult world really so terrible?

I walk everyday, faced with the road ahead
I miss my past's innocent blissful little happiness
Love always lets people cry, makes people unsatisfied
The sky is very big but can't see clearly - how lonely

When the sky is dark, I remember that song
And expect to see the peaceful rain
In grandma's truth sung to me back then
That even if it rains, we must bravely continue
I believe everything can calm down
I now wish to go home

(Taiwanese) "The sky is dark, it's going to rain, the sky is dark, dark..."

Hearing this song, all I can think about was my life at this time two years ago. And how my grandma used to sing this song to me too.

I'm still not over it.
02 July 2011 @ 08:39 pm

Guys, it's really ending. 

There's never going to be another franchise in the world for which I spend something like 15 years of my life reading on the first day of release, attending midnight premieres, participating in fandoms... 

I'm not ready for it to be over.